It’s not a hero’s story as much as we, as a society, love to hear them. It’s an everyday person’s story, the one, that emerges from the mud and turns into a beautiful lotus.
But not because of some magic happening, but because of the willingness to recognise the mud and lotus as equally important, as equally a part of the whole.
Without the sticky mud, there WOULD be no lotus. Without a caterpillar, there WOULD be no butterfly…
I was about 11 years old. My family was having a holiday at The Azov Sea back in Ukraine, where I grew up. I had an argument with some members of my family, and, not being able to handle the projection of guilt and shame onto me anymore, I stormed off, deciding that I would run away once and for all.
I couldn’t bare another second of the feeling of isolation, non-acceptance for who I was, the forceful ways to comply and conform. Comply to fit into the culture I “belonged”, to be what was considered acceptable by that culture, to have to “deserve” and “earn” love, to have any more conditions put upon me, so I could be “good enough”.
I ran away at first, and, when I realised that no one was chasing after me, I started walking.
I walked fast in solitude, fantasising, what it would be like to live in a world, where I truly belonged. To be loved just because I existed exactly as I was. To always be good enough. To make mistakes as a part of learning and growing. To be accepted. To be respected. To be completely FREE.
I passed by the other people and families, wondering if they knew of “such a world”. I passed by the other children, wondering if they ever were feeling the way I was feeling.
As I was walking along the shore, letting the waves wash over my feet, I started to find peace and comfort within myself, I started to tap into the feeling of inner FREEDOM, imagining what it would truly feel like.
I imagined myself in all sorts of scenarios as if it was my reality.
Before I could notice, I reached a dead end of the beach – there were no more people to be seen, only seagulls, seaweed and rocks.
There was no way for me to go further, but to turn around and walk back, facing my reality.
I believe, that there is no such thing as a coincidence. Everything happens for a reason.
Everything serves us as a piece of the puzzle for the highest and greatest good of all. Everything has its Divine purpose.
If I never felt isolated, I wouldn’t be able to know what true connection feels like. If I didn’t experience abandonment, I wouldn’t be able to appreciate the feeling of acceptance.
Without the force of conformity and compliance, I wouldn’t have known what freedom feels like.
If I were not to experience the lies told to me about myself by society, I wouldn’t have the curiosity to find out what the truth feels like.
When I go hiking, when I connect with nature, I am REAL. I am RAW.
Because nature IS THE TRUTH, and I see myself as a part of it; I can connect deeply with my own truth.
I unravel and drop all my layers of pretences and facade, I completely surrender to the present moment.
In nature, it’s a field ZERO which means that everything that is not needed, not the truth, can be washed away.
And endless possibilities exist for me to create and manifest into reality. To CREATE the world that I want to see and experience.
There is no role for me to play when I am hiking, because nature doesn’t judge, has no expectations, no conditions put upon me, it gives freely and takes freely, it flows, it lives and dies unapologetically.
I tap into my authenticity, creativity and abundance, and I know that to nature I am always loved and am always good enough.
Every hike is a learning journey. There is so much to learn in nature and from nature.
Just look at the muddy puddles – could they be saying to me: “Life can get sticky sometimes, be prepared to be uncomfortable and get your feet dirty.”
Look at the loose rocks – could they be saying: “You need to have balance in life, measure and calculate every step and trust that it is the right one.”
Look at the mountain lookouts – could they be saying to me: “Look how far you’ve come! This is a resting space to celebrate the efforts, see the bigger picture, seize the opportunities and enjoy the view. It’s time to reap the rewards.”
Look at the river crossings – could they be saying to me: “Don’t be afraid to step into the unknown, it’s all a part of the journey.”
Look at the fire burned trees – could they be saying to me: “You have to let go of something in order to create, in order to regenerate and renew.”
Look at the earth and dirt – could they be saying: “Get in touch with your roots, reintegrate the “dirty” parts of yourself to be whole and complete.”